Pua online dating conversation

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After all, if you were better, cooler, or more desirable, you’d be able to stand up for yourself.When you don’t feel as though you have anything to offer and you’re desperate for someone to complete you, you will tend to shift your boundaries and sacrifice your values for someone else in the hopes that this will prompt them to like you. They rely on obligation and allow themselves to be used – as well as live in fear of conflict or disagreement – because they don’t feel that they can rely on their own value.

After all, if you were better, cooler, or more desirable, you’d be able to stand up for yourself.When you don’t feel as though you have anything to offer and you’re desperate for someone to complete you, you will tend to shift your boundaries and sacrifice your values for someone else in the hopes that this will prompt them to like you. They rely on obligation and allow themselves to be used – as well as live in fear of conflict or disagreement – because they don’t feel that they can rely on their own value.When I look back at my bad old days, there’re a number of things that stand out as emblematic of who I was – the fear of letting go of a bad relationship because I didn’t think I could do any better, being unable to relax and enjoy my time with one woman because I couldn’t stop looking for the shoe to drop… But there is one very specific night that, to my mind, was one of the most representative of how bad things were.

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How many times have you had someone – a friend, a lover, even family – pull a guilt-trip on you?This can be intimidating, especially when you’re not the most secure person to begin with.A major reason why I put up with being treated so badly in my relationships was because I was conflict averse; I didn’t have a strong foundation to work from and dreaded any fight for fear of causing more drama which would inevitably be my fault and lead to further fights down the line.One of the most common signs of a predatory, abusive personality is the testing of boundaries: trying to push someone further and further out of their comfort zone, using a cycle of rewards and punishments in order to manipulate someone into being willing to knuckle under.I’ve received many letters from women who had boyfriends who consistently tried to push the envelope of what they were comfortable with – demanding nude pictures, trying to bully them into sex they didn’t want to have (especially girls who were not ready to have sex yet) or into sexual practices they didn’t like.The friend who would get pissed at you for disagreeing with them in public.The passive-aggressive friend who would make commitments and conveniently “forget” them when it suited her.I had few boundaries to speak of and even less self-esteem…and I was willing to consider this treatment a fair price for being in a relationship. In fact, many people who are socially inexperienced – geeks and nerds especially – will have encountered all of these and more over the course of their relationships… Many will assume that these are just par for the course when it comes to relationships – platonic, romantic, or familial.It’s important to note: this isn’t exclusively a male or female problem.Both men and women are equally capable of having weak boundaries and low self-esteem…

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