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Seamus immediately turned the bike around and retraced their route. "Well," said one of the farmers, " he was alright when we found him here .. " Pat said, "Well, I have and I haven't." His friend asked, "Shure, and what d'ye mean by that? I saw a chap who I thought was Mulligan, and he saw a chap that he thought was me.When after a short time he came to a turn and saw a bunch of farmers standing around Paddy who was sitting on the ground. And when we got up to one another..was neither of us."Irishman finds a Genie lamp and rubs it.Why don't you come back at about seven-thirty, and we'll continue where we left off? Yours is big enough that ye need four fingers to hold it."O'Rourke, the barber, was hearing complaints from his present trimmee about the price of barbers' services. You probably held your own in your youth, but when you get to your mid-forties, your body just isn't up to that any more. I was thinkin' perhaps me problem was me masturbatin'."As the years went by, Big Mick Lonegan just couldn't perform the way he used to.
She stepped out of the confessional and within sight of Father Sullivan, she went into a series of cartwheels, leaping splits, handsprings and backflips. " Sean replied, "I'm not..fish come here fer shelter."O'Connell was staggering home with a pint of booze in his back pocket when he slipped and fell heavily. O'Connor," the solicitor said in considerable exasperation, "you need a reason that the court can consider. " "Ah, well now," said the lady, "Shure it's because the man can't hold an intelligent conversation."Paddy was trapped in a bog and seemed a goner when Big Mick O'Reilly wandered by. The Strong Muldoon could do it alone, mebbe, but Oi'll have to get some help." As Mick was leaving, Paddy called "Mick! D'ye think it will help if Oi pull me feet out of the stirrups?I was in London just last week, and you charge me half again what they charge there." "That may be true, Sir," said the Irishman, "but think of the airfare."Newly arrived in Boston from the old country, Paddy O'Shea called his brother back home. On most every street, they got glass outhouses, and it's telephones they put in 'em! He kept pumping away, determined to prove that he remained the man he always was."Big Mick Lonegan was rather active in the area of sexual athletics. "Well, Doctor, I'm thinkin' I have sex with maybe twelve -- fifteen of the lasses each week..an av'rage week," he boasted. But the banshee of Old Age is persistent, and finally Big Mick admitted defeat..a sort.Kneeling near the confessional, waiting their turn, were two middle-aged ladies. Struggling to his feet, he felt something wet running down his leg. "Murphy was selling his house, and put the matter in an agent's hands. Mc Quillan walked into a bar and ordered martini after martini, each time removing the olives and placing them in a jar.They witnessed Lena's acrobatics with wide eyes, and one said to the other: "Will you just look at the penance Father Sullivan is givin' out this night, and me without me bloomers on! The agent wrote up a sales blurb for the house that made wonderful reading. " Replied Murphy, "Cancel the sale...'tis too good to part with.""Well, Mrs. When the jar was filled with olives and all the drinks consumed, the Irishman started to leave. " "Once upon a time I was an 11 year old Choir boy at the local church. She called me a cheeky little boy and with a flash of her wand, turned me into this frog you see before you." "That's an incredible story" said the priest.After a wee bit, Paddy who was sitt'n behind Seamus on the bike began to holler ..."Seamus ... that'll block the wind for you." So Paddy took Seamus' advice and turned his jacket from front to back and got back on the bike and the two of them were off down the road again.After a bit, Seamus turned to talk to Paddy and was horrified to see that Paddy was not there. "Two Irishmen met and one said to the other, "Have ye seen Mulligan lately, Pat?Two days after the surgery, Mick was sitting in one of the local Irish-style taverns, sucking on a beer and trying to ignore the still-present pain.In the next booth he overheard part of a conversation: "...an' Oi don't know what's to become of the Parish... "Two Irishmen were walking home after a night on the beer when a severed head rolled along the ground. " "You're having me on now because I'm Irish," said the Irishman. "Upon seeing his son's black eye Murphy asked him, "how'd ye be comin' by that glorious black eye, me lad?Arriving at the scene, he turned off the water with a sigh, and replaced the faucet washer, ending the emergency.The lady was nice-looking, and lonely to boot, so before long Sean was helping her to heat up the bedroom.