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For a lot of folk, building community and just having safe spaces to explore their identity can be kind of challenging.“Although Chicago has a wide variety of neighborhoods that might be affirming or inclusive of queer folk, what I’ve found and what a lot of my clients talk about is a lot of spaces can feel pretty white.”Spaces like Boystown.“I think people are a tad more accepting to the white gay community,” said Max Haywood, a 26-year-old pastry cook.
Expectations can set you up for disappointment — and they’re also restrictive.
Unreasonable expectations can put too much pressure on a relationship early on.
In many ways, the mechanics of dating are universal, regardless of whether you’re black, white, brown or “a colorless person,” as Raven-Symone famously described herself to Oprah in a 2014 interview.
“But when queer and black, there may not be that same access to community.
Sometimes you actually learn a lot about yourself and other when relationships don’t work out.
Dating can be a truly enlivening experience — introducing you to new ideas and types of people.We can’t help who we like, but we can help who we choose to date.Before entering into a new relationship or deciding to continue a current one, think about whether your lives make sense together (this article has more on how to do that). If you are going to take rejection personally and assume it means something bad about you, the entire concept of dating will be difficult. People can’t help who they are interested in, nor who they aren’t. In therapy, she often talks about the difficulty of viewing relationship dynamics and values through a heteronormative lens. “Histories of and experiences with discrimination and violence leave major scars.”As a queer black woman married to a trans partner, Simmons says her clients seem to appreciate having this shared experience.Rather than panicking, use the anxiety as an opportunity to explore the reasons why you feel anxious.What is it about the idea of your partner cheating that distresses you?If your significant other goes out and you know they’re with attractive people, it can make you start comparing yourself to others who your partner interacts with.This is an unhealthy mindset to fall into because it can exacerbate insecurities. If you are afraid of your partner cheating, try to stop being afraid before you are given a reason to be afraid.It’s important to be present in each stage of the relationship.Find a balance between being in the state of mind where you want to have fun and being vulnerable.